CLEMENTE GAMES RECAP

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Date: 09/28/16

Title: CLEMENTE GAMES RECAP

While all the athletes that showed up had spent years in training and strengthening for this event, only a select few could walk away with a medal and Adidas. Despite the allegations of performance enhancing drugs playing a factor in this years games, all finalists have now been tested, all showing positive signs for performance diminishing drugs. When interviewed on the issue, games official Chad Kishman recounted, "I was an ofishal at a skate event? That wood explain the refferie youniform and blow horn I was wearing when I woke up in a pile of my own piss."

The first annual Clemente games has set a precedent for what's to come in the following years. With an average BAC of 2.3 the majority of the attendees are not so certain what sort of athleticism is actually involved in skateboarding. "I'm not really sure what I'm watching right now. If it's supposed to be a skateboard competition, I thought there would be more skateboarding, but it's more like a college frat party for a bunch of juiced up jabroni's," stated White Cloud local Brad S. when asked what he thought about the recent event. Though the format may have broken the written standard for Olympic events, we feel the event captured the spirit of the flame and kept it burning, then used that flame to light up and get lifted.

Several pairs of Adidas, sub par hot dogs, and angry disputes later, the official results have been released and can be viewed below. Thanks to Adidas and all that came to make the first official Olympic skate competition a truly spirited one, and especially the clown. Who the fuck was that clown?